17 November 2017


As most of you know I'm reaching to the end of my pregnancy, just a few weeks to go but it could pop out anytime soon as my baby's position is already at the right place. For those yang ada jumpa aku memang nampak sangat aku dah sarat sangat dah. Yes, my belly is huge. I get strangers passing by asking me if I'm doing okay, looking worried like my baby will just fall out while walking. LOL... But I don't blame them cause I walk really slow with hands at the bottom of my belly to support the pressure. Well, at least this week I managed to get some rest.

I started my maternity leave already, even though it's not even time yet. At first, I didn't want to take an early leave but since I've been off work a few times and I can't seem to focus anymore, I feel guilty. The thing is commuting has been very tiring especially I've been depending on public transport. My husband, on the other hand, has been super busy with his work since a new project has been launched and he's been promoted. He has to leave early in the morning and comes home late and his schedule does not have consistency in time as well. Since I depend on him to pick me up from train stations, it gets tiring because sometimes I still have to wait long. He tries his best to ease my journey but sometimes it seems like he has too much to cope with and I can't keep pressuring him as I could see he's trying his best to balance everything.

So I decided, I should take an early leave and go stay with my mum while waiting to give labour anytime soon. I should give space to my husband as well since he just started his career and it wouldn't be fair to him. But still, I get carried away and emotional because he's so busy that he sometimes forget to call me after a whole day at work and with my pregnancy hormones I easily kuat sentap. Mengada kan? Probably I'm just used to him being around me and the change is kinda drastic especially me being over sensitive right now. But he always tries his best to ease me and memang dia banyak mengalah.

Right now I can barely do much, I just feel too tired and lazy to do anything. Thank goodness I'm back at my mums. She got everything prepared for my confinement already since she thinks that I might give labour early too. Perut dah jatuh, kaki, tangan bengkak, sakit belakang and all. All the signs are there. The thing about my pregnancy now is pembawakan budak. I'm not blessed with seri mengandung. I got pigmentation around my neck and armpits and it's hideous. The worst is around my neck, its black, super dry, itchy and the worse part it smells bad. I take a shower about 5 times a day and clean my neck regularly but it still won't go away. The smell bothers me because I feel that the smell is so strong and I'm worried that people around me might smell it too.

Hygiene seems to be a big challenge as well, my body odour has grown so strong that I'm embarrassed and afraid to be among a crowd. I tend to sweat a lot and my body heat hasn't been helping. I'm always so hot even though it's a rainy season now, all I could feel is heat. I can't stand fully covered clothes anymore, and I'm so thankful I'm not working anymore now. My belly has become so huge that I feel uncomfortable wearing anything. It's been days since I even went outside of my mums' house and I've only been wearing nightgowns all day long at home which is the most comfortable thing I could wear now.

It seems so weird being at home all day since I'm used to working so now I'm taking my time to blog again. I can't NOT do anything, I'll feel guilty, wasted away like I have no purpose in life, plus I'm not even helping out doing house chores. Since its school holidays, I have my little sisters covering it up. So bad right? But I'm not gonna lie cause I am so lazy to even do any chores now, plus I'm not doing so good myself.

There are times where my belly hardens, my lower back gets so painful. I can't sit up straight to long anymore because my belly feels so tight like its pressing my baby. I could feel its hands pushing down to my vagina which is so uncomfortable causing me to always go to the loo. My breast milk has already started leaking just days after I received breast pumps. At first, I was confused if its water or sweat, but even after hours, the stain is still there, so no doubt its milk. But it's not a lot, so I hope when my baby comes out it'll be blessed with enough milk. I make sure I clean it regularly as well, but there are times where my nipple stings and I get worried. I'm just thinking so much right now.

I could feel the weight pressure of my baby more tension now, since every position seems uncomfortable I constantly change sleeping positions a lot, tossing left to right is heavy and I need to use my hands to support my belly. A pillow must be placed under my belly as well, if not it will just hurt more. I have like 7 pillows to support my head, my belly, my feet just so I could get at least a few minutes of comfort when I lay down. Since I've been having constant heartburns, I can't lay down long as well, so I take turns to sit down as well. Even during night sleeps I have to do that as well, normally after I pee about 5 times a night, I'll sit down on the bed for about 20 minutes and only lay down again once my back starts to get tired and my belly can't take it anymore. It has been a challenge but I'm not whining, I just can't wait to meet my little one.

Contractions? Well for now, not yet I think. My belly constantly hardens but it's not painful. What's painful is my lower belly and lower back which I get once in a while. Sometimes my vagina stings but not frequently. My feet hurt when it touches the floor since its swollen and it's painful to stand up after sitting down, my belly needs support. I've noticed that if I need to pee I can't postpone it cause I can't control it anymore, same goes if I need to poop. I've been having diarrhea lately but not that bad. At least that's better than getting constipation because it surely better getting it out than having to use energy to force it out. LOL... Does that sound weird? I make sure I drink lots and lots of water.

Cravings? Well, the best part is since I'm carrying the first child, the first grandchild and the first great-grandchild in the family, everyone seems to be excited. And my cravings all seem to be satisfied by all family members. Anak aku betul ikut tekak Melayu, sebab aku mintak semua makanan melayu. Durian, tempoyak, laksa, lemak cili api, kuih seri muka dan kebanyakkannya memang makanan orang melayu. HAHA... Ikut cita rasa bapak dia, kalau western aku mintak kentang goreng je. But still everyday I'll need to eat fruits, either oranges, apples, mangoes, pomegranates, bananas or just any kind of fruit as long as its a fruit. For milk, I can only drink fresh milk, if not rasa loya satu hari. 

While writing this, I can't believe its gonna reach 9 months already, it was really a journey and I'm sure I'm gonna miss the feel of my baby kicking inside and my husband getting excited when it does so. We're already starting calling the baby with its name which both of us decided on. I love it when my husband places his hands on my belly to feel his baby moving, its a memory I don't want to forget because he looks so happy when he does so. I feel happy as well as it feels like our growing little family is already bonding together. I still can't imagine what types of parents we would be but I hope we'll both keep on supporting and loving each other like we are doing now, even though we're not the romantic kind of type. 

I think that's enough for today, I just felt like writing. This may be my last piece of writing before my baby comes out. Hope you guys pray the best for me, I'm extremely excited but nervous as well. I'm scared but I want to feel the experience. Pray the best for me.

Till then peeps!

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